The Presence of Giving, published in Dec. 2003 issue of "The Light"

Who should I give a present to? What will they think of me if I give them this? How much are they expecting? How much is too much? The frantic pressure of these questions, rushing through our minds, intensified by time pressure and the stress of throngs of people packing the malls, are direct blows to the spirit of the holidays.

Fear, impatience, doubts and worries quickly replace the joy of sharing and we are left feeling guilty and weary.

Where have we let ourselves down in the process?

What if we could view our holidays in a different light this year? What if there was nothing to prove? No rush to get the best present, or the cheapest one, no feelings of obligations to give something to everyone of our lists. We would just give something because we feel like it, because it makes us happy and because our happiness and sense of well being is not dependent on what the other person thinks. How is that possible?

Imagine for a moment, that you are the source of love in your own life. Open the gates of love that reside within your heart. You are love. You do not need to prove to others what you are or how loving you are. You do not need to warp yourself to fit someone else¹s expectations of you in order for them to give you love and approval. You love yourself, and forgive yourself. Life loves you, and you are able to love all for who they are, with all their perceived weaknesses and foibles.

You no longer are looking to give love (or a present) in order to get something in return, because you remember there is plenty where it came from -- no bargaining, or exchanging present to prove your love to someone else.

The source of love within you is inextinguishable, there will never be a lack of it.
It will continue flowing regardless of the person or circumstances. You are responsible for your own happiness. All of a sudden a miracle happens. You start loving life, and life loves you in return.

Another part of the giving experience which is often overlooked is the art of receiving. After all, how much fun would it be if all your presents would be met with: "Oh, really, you shouldn't have! I am going to return this present and give you back the money! You need it more than I do." How would that make you feel!
If you are love, you no longer need to believe that you are not worthy of receiving love (present). You know how good it feels to radiate love, and thus remember how good it feels when this love is reflected back to you. You also no longer need to compare yourself (or the present you have received) with the one given to someone else. Your happiness is not dependent on what you receive, and you no longer need to defend yourself from others.

So, before you hit the malls, imagine that love is burning bright inside of you, radiating from the inside out. You just want to love because it makes you feel good. How does that change your view of the holiday shopping experience?

Here are a couple of exercises designed to help you make the holiday shopping a little easier:

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine yourself in the body
of someone famous or someone you admire or love: What do you feel like? What do you want to say? What makes you happy? Jot down the few impressions, words, sensations, colors or pictures that come to your mind.
Now imagine yourself in the body of the person who is the recipient of the gift you are looking for. Allow your body sensations to inform you as to what this person might like. Allow the first ideas, colors, sensations or words to come in and inform you.

Now, let's say that you are shopping for someone you do not really like, or someone whose tastes you don't approve of. You have been to their houses, or seen
their clothes, and quite frankly, you think they are hideous. You even feel a little embarrassed looking at the things that you have seen them enjoy.

You may also think that they should take care of themselves better, or be more evolved. You feel the urge to give them an inspirational or educational book, or anything else that would improve them.

Notice the judgments that you have about the person you are shopping for, and allow those judgments to relax. Notice your urge to help them become a better person. Notice your inner chatter telling you all the good advice and teachings you think they need. Notice all the things that your mind tells you about how they should be different than how they are: Ok, they have a very different taste then you do. Ok, they appreciate and enjoy different things. Ok, they have a different relationship than you do with all spiritual matters. Now what?

Now imagine yourself relating spirit to spirit with that person, letting your heart do the talking. Pretend they are just fine the way they are, that there is nothing to fix or change or improve on. You are just looking for something that they will love now, just as they are. Allow yourself to view their things in a different way, allow yourself to view their world with the eyes of love, and allow yourself to feel the pleasure that they take in their things. Ask yourself: "What would make me happy to receive if I was someone who liked these kinds of things?"

This year, any time you feel the pressure building up, give yourself permission to relax. Give yourself the gift of love this holiday season. Take a few deep breaths and remember that you are the source of love in your life. Have a happy holiday season!